Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
