where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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