You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
