it was like his penis was on wheels.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
