quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
