Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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