yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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