my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize