Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
