My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
