I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
