Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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