Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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