she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
