I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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