my vag is so smooth its legendary
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
