it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize