i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
