He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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