Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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