So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
