You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
