My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
