I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
