Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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