We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
