i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
