Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
