Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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