I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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