he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
