Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I did not marry a roomba.
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