There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
