I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
