You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
