You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
