I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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