i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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