If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
