Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
