smell my finger.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
