My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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