Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
