I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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