Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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