I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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