I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
