how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The power of my boobs compel you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
