3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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