I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
