If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
