I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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