I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize