I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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