this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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