Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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