I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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