i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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