guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
