Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
3pm strippers are depressing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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