my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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