it wasn't lemon gatorade
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
