OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
