I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
