She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
